Fanficers Guide to the Galaxy: Cliches
by xxYou-shall-be-my-Squishyxx
Summary: My name is Aiko Hanashi and my goal is to humorously point out all the cliches I've noticed in my years a fanficing.Newbies can come for some insight and oldies can come and laugh at mistakes we've all made.
1. Blame It On Ino

**A/N: This is really just fun shorts for me to write! They make me laugh and I realize that I can't be the only with notices this stuff! Or maybe I'm just to old to fanfiction -_-**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and this is not intended to bash any author all dialogue has been made up by yours truly in order to offend none. Don't worry I'm guilty of some mistakes in this story. -_-**

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><p>Hello all. My name is Aiko Hanashi. Let's begin shall we!<p>

**When all else fails, blame Ino:**

Where would any classic fanfiction be without it's, what I like to call, DPS.

Drunken Party Scene.

Whether it is thrown by the most popular guy in the school, a cleverly put together surprise party, or just a simple late night at the bar, they are always there. There we often watch as our favorite character makes a mess of his or herself, shows off their "curves in all the right places"-

I'm sorry, I have to stop there.

Okay. What the fuck is having curves in all the right places! Where are these places! Why are their curves always there? What the fuck do I picture. Is there some hidden picture in fanfiction of a picture of a girl with "curves in all the right places" we're supposed to refer to when we read that ? Please enlighten me so I can avoid moments like this:

***Me at Home***

_Italics: Words from the story _

Normal: My reactions

"_Cascading curls…_Oh how nice…_Full lips…Shit brown eyes…_Wow! This is such vivid description!..._Curves in all the right places. _Wait what the fuck. How does that look."

It causes the what the fuck do I picture effect. Which…is a new post of its own.

Anyways at these drunken parties you can always expect the character to do one thing.

Drunkenly confess their love to their crush.

Or have Sex with them…

It all depends.

One thing remains however, why does this always happen? Well I have an answer.

Ino.

Damn that scheming bitch.

Always sneaking into the plot and making the protagonist aware of how they've "Been working too hard" or "Need a break" or "Need to go on a date" or some shit like that. This often creates a scene like this:

***Me at Home***

"He likes her!...But she's not gonna let up that easy, oh yeah…there you go…make him chase you- Wait What the fuck. A party?...Damn you Ino…"

We've all been here.

Or maybe it's just me.

It might be just me…

Yeah.

Just me.

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><p><strong>AN: Recognize anything? Any thing else you'd like to point out! Message me some chapters that you may wanna throw in. It's the guide to fanfiction! All fanficers should feel free to help out! You will be credited and all will see your work :)**

**Review!**


	2. Running Out Of Animals

**A/N: Please Enjoy**

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><p><strong><strong>Aiko here! xXPerptualFlameXx brought another cliche to my attention.

**What's next? Pigs?**

I'm sure you can figure out what I'm talking about. Yes, the ever clichéd Akatsuki as Kittens or as I like to call it:

The Acatsuki.

I know.

Even I'm astounded by my cleverness.

Anyways.

An Acatsuki story must be pretty damn awesome for me to read it. I mean honestly. Who fucking buys ten cats? And weird looking ones at that. See, now here is what I'd really do.

***Me at Pet Store***

"Hmm I think I'm goin to get a kitten…Oh! Here are so-Holy shit! What the fuck is wrong with these kittens! Are the deformed or some shit? Why is that on blue! Why does that one look like it has stiches? Man these guys have some creepy ass eyes…Fuck it. I'm getting a puppy."

However Akatsuki as animal stories seem impossible to evade.

***Me at Pet Store***

"Okay dogs...dogs…Ah! Here- Holy shit! What the fuck is wrong with these puppies! Okay…maybe a hamster...Finally, there we- god damn it…U-um m-maybe a-What the? What the hell is wrong with this store? Fuck it. I'm getting a rock."

Trust me, you see all kinds of them.

I even remember one where they were horse!

Though I must admit I did kinda like that one…

My question to you is: when will the madness end! Where will the line be drawn!

I think I speak for everyone in saying it stops at pigs.

No one would be able to read that shit.

And trust me, that is not just me and xXPerptualFlameXx.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you xXPerptualFlameXx! I hope you and everyone else enjoyed!**

**Review!**


	3. In which you stop using in which

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Forbidden Summary<strong>

In post number three about Hinata and Sasuke I realized I used the two words I hate the most In summaries.

In which.

For example:

_In which two Narutards end up in the Narutoverse. Chaos ensues._

…

I'm sorry, but does anyone else wonder why the fuck chaos is always ensuing. I'm sure chaos doesn't want to ensue sometimes. Maybe, just maybe, it wants a break from following OCs on their uncanny adventures.

…

Anyway.

"In which", to me, is just not the best way to captivate readers.

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><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"Hmmm what's a good one to read…Ooh! _Midnight Dancing Songs of Lilacs and Dreams: Akatsuki's Rose_…um…sounds eventful. Hmm let's take a look at the summary…Ah! Au. Hmm okay…_in which_-fuck that shit. Next."

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><p>While on the topic of summaries, how about a little do's and don'ts!<p>

No one likes a fucking long as summary.

We don't want to have to "look inside to see more."

We're lazy.

Hence the summary box

No one cares that you're not good at summaries. Just try.

Bad summary? Don't worry. No one gives a shit. Just give us something to work with.

Whether that is encouraging or mean, I will leave for you to decide.

PLEASE READ! NO SUMMARY BUT IT'S GOOD.

No one will fucking believe you.

Adjust

I'm all for trying to make the summary fit in the box by using symbols and shit. But come on:

_W do yu d f 1 f yur husmes s a sl kl?_

Which translate to:

By clicking this story you will unleash Trojans upon your computer and start the next world war.

Then what!

See, we need to be able to read this shit.

Or at least I do…

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><p><strong>AN: Review! **


	4. My Past Was Quite Normal, Thank You

******A/N: Enjoy! **

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><p><strong>The Past is Alive<strong>

_Au. Sakura is new to Konoha. She makes new friends and new enemies, successfully leaving her unspeakable past behind her._

This is what seems to be the case in fanfiction now- a-days.

***Fanfiction Office***

Secretary: Okay! All of you trying to use a female lead-

-laughter erupts-

Secretary: No seriously! We have some!

Me: U-Um that would be me.

-laughter erupts-

*I awkwardly walk to the desk*

Secretary: Fill this out…_el stupido_.

*I awkwardly walk to a seat*

Me: Hmm. "Requirements for a Female Lead (AU Form)

_Pretty_

Me: Check.

_More than one boy likes her_

Me: Psh. Duh.

_Kicks ass_

Me: You know it! Man this is ea-

_Tragic, horrible, secret past_

Me: Fuck my life….Back to the drawing board, Aiko.

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><p>So my question is:<p>

What the fuck is wrong with you lead bitches? Why can't you have a normal past like everyone else.

Or at least like me and peoplehateme101

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><p><strong>AN: Review! I hope you laughed a lot!**


	5. Sakura

******A/N: Thanks for all the lovely submissions! Most of them will most likely be uploaded tomorrow :)**

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><p><strong>Sakura<strong>

Dear Everyone,

About Sakura

…

Does know one remember how useless she was?

Like she used to just stand there and literally be like, "No Sasuke!"

Anyone remember that episode "Sakura Blossoms"?

Yeah.

Very misleading title since she still didn't do shit except cut her hair. How does that help anything?

***Me And A Friend Being Held At Gunpoint***

Gunman: I'm gonna shot you!

Friend: Oh no! Aiko, what do we do?

Me: *Pulls out knife* Don't worry I have a plan!

Friend: You're gonna try and stab him! Great idea, Aiko!

Me: No.

Friend: Wait, wha-

Me: I have an even more effective idea. I'm gonna….cut my hair.

Friend: What the fu-

Me: *Cuts hair*

Friend:…Shoot me first.

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><p>Exactly. Useless.<p>

So yes. I just love how everyone suddenly loves Sakura and how half the fanfiction are about the used to be useless still kinda useless chic.

Noticed how I didn't curse there!

You should be proud.

But still. Why is the bitch so popular?

So I'd just like to take this moment to remind everybody something:

We all used to hate her.

Cause the bitch was useless.

Useless.

U-s-e-…Yeah, you remember now.

Sincerely,

Aiko

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><p><strong>AN: Hope you enjoyed! Review! **


	6. Anthropomorphism: Reversed

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Hissing Is A Bit Much<strong>

Okay we all know Orochimaru is kinda the snake guy of Naruto.

Well not really kinda.

He just is.

However let me clear something up. He was not born an actual snake. Ha, you'd think people would understand that but I can't even begin to tell you how many times this has happened:

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><p><strong>*Me At Home*<strong>

"This is story is pretty good so far...Oh! An Orochimaru scene…Wait. What? Why the fuck is there so many S's? Are they trying to make him his? Damn, now I can't focus on what he's saying! Wait so do five S's mean hold out the word for five seconds? Ughhh!"

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><p>I can to fanfiction to read.<p>

Not to calculate the correct length of time for me to hold an 's' in order to correctly read the way the author wants me to.

While on the subject of Orochimaru, me and xNamikazeKyuubix (For some reason, spell check didn't recognize that!) also want to bring something to your attention.

We get it.

Everyone thinks he's a pedophile.

Maybe it's time for something different?

Maybe?

Yeah.

And one more thing. Actually it's more of a question.

Remember the fight scene between Orochimaru and the Sandaime (3rd Hokage)?

God that was a long ass scene!

How many episodes of:

"Die old man!"

"Never!"

Were there?

Seriously.

How many?

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you enjoyed! Review!**


	7. Cursing

******A/N: Enjoy! :)**

**Hidan.**** He curses. Get over it.**

I'm all for not cursing and shit.

I Aiko fucking Hanashi, never fucking curse.

Especially not the f-word.

Fuck, I hate that word.

But honestly, I'm so god damned tired of seeing this:

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><p><strong>*Random Made-up Fanfiction*<strong>

"Hidan, I'll kill you," Kakuzu stated with irritation.

Hidan waved his scythe menacingly.

"Shut the f*** up you #&$% son of a biscuit!"

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><p>No.<p>

No one can possibly take that shit seriously.

Or maybe it's just me.

It might be just me…

Yeah.

Just me.

…

…

Just kidding bitch that shit bothers everybody.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you laughed a lot! If you did let me know! I lurve making peole laugh!**

**Review!**


	8. Stop

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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><p>I'm glad my cursing doesn't bother anyone!<p>

Woopdey fucking doo!

Sayonara Yasashii Akumu, who, by the way speaks two fucking languages, brought to my attention that I do indeed have "over 95 reviews". So I'd like to take this moment to sincerely thank you guys . Really.

In fact!

Here's a song:

Bitches

Bitches

My mother fucking bitches

Thanks.

…

Yeah it sucked.

I know.

But honestly, I think I have the best reviewers out there! You guys don't just leave the perfectly acceptable "Great chapter! Update soon." You guys give me extensive, funny ass shit! I love it! If you look at each other's reviews even you would realize that if we all were friends in the rizzle…

We'd be badass.

On to the chaptaaa!

XX

**Annoying Shit Authors Do:**

10.) Not Spacing.

Okay, now I know I'm no grammar wiz, but this shit is elementary. I'm one of those people who can't focus when they are too many fucking words and no breaks or spaces. I mean it's pretty obvious since I hit the enter button after almost every sentence. I hate going to a story where it feels like I'm being attacked by the number of fucking words in front of me.

9.) Typing In Abbreviated Words. (MKTerra. We both hate that one)

Are we fucking texting or some shit? No.

I dnt lyk readin strys lyk dis.

It's annoying.

8.) Going Off on People In A Chapter

Bitch, get on with the fucking story and pm the asshole. Don't air your dirty laundry.

7.) Discontinuations

Now I know sometimes it can't be helped but…

Bitch I invested my goddamned time in this when I could've been…oh I don't know…

Fucking bitches.

6.) Paragraph Chapters

I get it for parodies and shit, but if it's a fucking story then that's bad juju.

5.) Foreign Accents

So.

You are asking me.

Of all people.

To picture Naruto.

With a British accent.

Oh! Okay, sure!

…

Bitch, please.

4.) Too OOC

There is no way I'll ever be able to picture Hinata as a slut.

No fucking way.

3.) Threats

***Me at Home***

_If you don't review, there won't be another chapter!_

"Bitch, fuck your story don't threaten me! And I was gonna leave a review anyway screw that now!"

2.) Stories that just make no fucking sense

***Me at Home***

"So wait. Tenten is married to Lee and their son is Neji who is Sasuke's uncle who adopts Naruto making him an Uchiha who has a thing for Sakura who actually is married to Shikamaru whose oldewr sister is…fucking _Moegi._ Bitch. Delete this shit.

1.) Random Fucking Japanese 

"_Sorry minna-san," Hinata stuttered out._

"_You are a dobe."_

Bitch. What the fuck. Stop. Just stop. You can't speak the language so stop butchering shit and while you're at it change the name of your story back to English because everyone knows you google translate that shit.

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><p><strong>AN: Review! **


	9. Laconic Speech

**A/n: Enjoy!**

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><p>Yo. Ya favorite, ranting bitch got over a hundred views thanks to her even awesomer bitches! Go us.<p>

We should be the fucking like…BB!  
>Bitch Brigade!<p>

The lovely and equally crazy bitch KireiComplx has already made our theme song/ rap!

Here goes it:

Yo, yo, yo

Don't hate on the Aiko.

'cause she'll attack

reviewers are her bitches, motherfucker, we're a pack (OHHH)

you best believe

That she be the shit

She put you in hospital, let me get my first aid kit

and and and Aiko

you be a fuckin' badass

if you leave fanfiction I'll be a fuckin sad ass-

hole

no please don't GO

OH NO

WHOAAAAAA

The end!

Great wasn't it- bitch did you fucking triple space this shit! I had to do a bunch of altering to copy and paste it! Poop face…

Anyways. I'd just like to take this moment to shout out to a couple of my special reviewers who, you don't even know, just fucking motivate me:

Goodboy- chan (Crazy bitch)

Sayonara Yasahashii Akumu (Man that's a torture to type…cough*long ass name*cough)

MKTerra (3 page reviews)

DeadGirlWalking-chan (I see dead people…yeah lame I know)

Theheartstourniquet (I could've sworn I asked you to tell me what a fucking tourniquet was!)

KireiComplex (Always making me fucking raps and shit)

Yeah. Thanks guys!

Thanks all you guys! Onto the chapta!

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><p>You know what I get tired of seeing?<p>

Toe shoes.

Bitch.

You look liking a fucking frog.

But you know what else I hate?

When people don't fucking close the door of my room all the way when I ask so nicely!

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><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

Me: Bitch, shut the door.

*Leave it wide open*

Me: Golly gee fucking whiz.

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><p>You know what else I hate?<p>

Don't worry this one is related to fanfiction.

I hate it when people write:

"Hn."

What the fuck does that mean! Like I swear it's used for anything anywhere! Not even just by Sasuke. The writer asks a question that don't even fucking know how to respond to and so they so they just insert: Hn.

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><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"Is that another fucking "hn"? What is with this bitch! Fuck, how the hell do you even make that sound cause I know I can't be doing it write cause I just sound like a fucking retard and end up coughing. Why do authors always wanna fucking confuse me? Is this some sort of conspiracy theory! First me trying to by a pet, then all the hissing, trying to trick me into believing Tenten had a last name, searching all over fanfiction for the picture of the chic with curves in all the right places! Fuck this fucking shit!...Fuck."

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><p>Here is my message.<p>

Don't be a lazy ass whore.

Once or twice is okay but if he "Hn"'s every sentence….

Then go fucking erase some of that shit.

If you're not sure, don't worry! I gotchu boo!

This is what ya gotta do.

Ask yourself this questions:

Was I born premature?

All answers will then be revealed.

So!

Déjà vu, anyone?

Well it shouldn't be.

Déjà vu doesn't exist.

It's fucking Inception in this how, bitches.

PS: My birthday is next Monday! February fucking 13th bitches! I think I'm gonna update at fucking 12 am Monday morning. Psh not so I can get a bunch of happy birthdays in the reviews...pshh... So uhh ya know if ya wanna send me a little something something i'm sure we could work it out.

Ha. I jest.

...

Or do I.

Inception!

Fuck bitches.

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><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	10. Classics

**A/N: Enjoy**

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><p>You know what I hate?<p>

People who try and fucking argue with me when I know I'm right.

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><p><strong>*Me and Some Guy Talking*<strong>

Guy: Yeah so the pope isn't the leader of the Catholic church.

Me: Ha! You he is!

Guy: No. He's not.

Me:…Wait no trust me he is.

Guy: He's not.

Me: No, bitch. He is. I'd know. I'm Catholic.

Guy:Oh…whoops.

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><p>Yeah fucking whoops. I know my shit.<p>

Dumb whore.

Anyways!

You know what I just realized? How judgmental fanfiction readers are! I'm just herpin my derp, scrolling through fanfics, when I realize just how critical I am!

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><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"Time for some fanfiction! Hmm let's see! Sasuke and Hinata…English…There we go! Let's see what we have here…Sounds stupid, sounds stupid, sounds stupid, dumb title, bad summary, Huh. What the fuck does that even mean! Bitch I can't read goddamn kanji! Why do people do that! Having your title in Japanese is a fanfics turn off. Any way… sounds stupid, sounds stupid, sounds stupid. Let's read some of the reviews for this one…Did that reviewer just misspell "chakra"…Fuck that shit."

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><p>I legitimately did the last one and at that point is when I decided to make this the introduction to this chapter.<p>

God damn.

Well anyway! On to some clichés!  
>So as you reviewers and I know there are some other classic clichés I have yet to mention. First up!<p>

"The Mob"

That goddamn mob that seems to fucking follow poor Naruto where ere he goes. If you need to find a way to implant an OC, god-like teacher to teach Naruto to be a fucking master of some shit or another at the age of 7 then just have him attacked by "The Mob". Need Hinata to somehow muster up courage to use her heiress might to protect Naruto?

Good ol' Mobby is what you need!

And the clichés continue.

Just to let everyone fucking know.

There is no goddamn civilian council.

And if there was they wouldn't fucking go banishing shit willy nilly.

Which somewhat brings me to something I hate: Kyuubi and Naruto pairing.

What…

The fuck.

No, bitch.

No.

She/he/whatever the fuck it is, is not Naruto's fucking mom, dad, guardian, and/ or, yes there have been stories where it was all four, lover. It's a fucking demon and they can, at most, tolerate each other's existence.

Wanna know what I hate.

Long ass disclaimers.

Bitch. I'm not stupid I know it's not your fucking story. You are not in a fucking room with Gaara and Itachi, they are not that ooc, and they are not gonna fucking kill me if I don't review.

I understand opinions on that may vary.

My opinion:

No, bitch.

One last thing.

I'm a die-hard yaoi fan.

But m-preg….

Goddamn! Stop that shit!

It's fucking creepy as hell and you fucking dishonor yaoi.

I mean, just no.  
>Women pop out cunt muffins.<p>

Not men.

Get your life together.

...

Oh yeah! Gotta letter here!

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><p>Dear World,<p>

"Hyūga" is spelled with one 'u' not two. Now you know. So stop fucking spelling it wrong cause it annoys the fuck outta me.

I need my fuck.

What the hell else am I supposed to do with my bitches?

Sincerely,

Aiko Fucking Hanshi and The Bitch Brigade

PS: Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

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><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	11. Discontinutation Notice

**A/N: Super short! But enjoy!**

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><p>Ha!<p>

Gotcha!

As you know, whenever I do these interactive chapters, it takes a bit more time to update so I can allow reviewers to...ya know...review! So here is a short...short rant to keep you guys happy.

Like this legitimately just fucking happened.

**Unnaturally Fast Paced Stories**

God damn.

You gotta let the shit sink in at some point.

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><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"Awww! How sweet! There ya go! Tell her how you really- holy shit. But she…they just…the fuck! She just got hit by a car! The bitch just died. I was just…they were all…Well damn…"

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><p><strong>AN: Enjoy**


	12. Cliche Awards

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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><p>Hello my BB members.<p>

I feel like it's been awhile since I've updated...

Probably because it has been it has been…

Hm.

Life's a crazy thing.

Moving on!

You know what I hate?

Weird feelings.

That's obviously very broad but I'm about to pinpoint one I hate the most.

That feeling when you've had to pee all day. You and your bladder have reached an agreement and you there's no avoiding it: you have to piss. So you walk to the bathroom just herpin your derp and finally you reach the door that leads to the destination.

And that's when all hell breaks loose.

This is basically what you bladder is like:

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><p><strong>*Me After a Long Day*<strong>

**Me:** Man…I have to pee.

**Bladder: **Hey she has to pee. Hmm let me hold out until she gets to the bathroom. Oh is that the door? PEE, BITCH, PEE!

**Me:** Wait! Wait! I haven't gotten in the door yet!

**Bladder:** RUN, BITCH, RUN

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><p>Anyways. I think it is now time to present the Cliché awards!<p>

Most disliked: Who knows maybe it's just me, but I think this ultimately goes to…Danzo.

Creepiest: Orochimaru. For sure.

Hottest: Psh. I can already imagine the disagreements this one is going to have. But this one goes to Itachi.

Most powerful: Naruto.

Douche Baggiest: Sasuke. Man he's a jerk.

Underrated: LilLeif I totally understand with your whole Kiba theory. But I think this one will go to Ten Ten.

Aloof: Can we even pick one? Let's go with Kakashi.

The usual popular bitch: Well in most cliché stories, it's Karin.

Biggest Wannabe: Kabuto.

Most Cliché High School Fic Main Character: Leave it to you Good-Boy chan. And it's totally Sakura in my opinion.

The usual popular pretty chick in a story: Sakura and Ino are tied.

The usual group when a story is about more than one character: Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Ten Ten, and Temari.

And there you have it folks .

Crazy shit.

Thought of the day:

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

…

Fuck bitches.

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><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	13. Akatsuki Drama

**A/N: Enjoy**

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><p>It's been so long that you guys get two posts.<p>

Whoop.

Whoop.

You know what I fucking hate?

Dumb bitches.

I'm just like…

Bitch.

Why you so dumb?

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><p><strong>*Me in English*<strong>

Girl: So…is 3 is bad and 7 is good…then…you want us to do 2!

Me:…Bitch. Why you so dumb.

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><p>So bitches.<p>

Do the world a favor:

Stop being dumb.

It makes all us smart bitches look bad.

Anyways.

This is something I'm sure we've all had this happen.

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><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

_Sakura is tired of being neglected by her teammates. A new goal in mind Sakura sets out to get stronger…by joining the Akatsuki. With them she gains strength and the trust of her comrades._

"…No bitch. That's not what's gonna happen. This how your fucking summary should really go:

_Sakura is tired of being a useless bitch. She wants to be able to protect her friends and village. So she deflects and joins the very organization trying to destroy it. Now I know this doesn't make any fucking sense, because in reality no one would trust the chic that goes and joins the enemy. But you know everyone loves seeing Sakura surrounded by a bunch of hot guys so we all know you guys don't really give a shit. Anyways, so yeah she fucking joins em' and since they don't trust her she has to share a room with one of them. Fuck pondering the options and wondering which one I'll pair her with. The one she rooms with is the one she always ends up fucking. It's so much easier that way. So they fucking live together in their cave or mansion with a TV and watch scary movies, get drunk, and do embarrassing stuff while intoxicated. Then shit gets serious because whatever team she's assigned to is going on a mission to Konoha or the Konoha team sent after her, which will include Naruto even though that would be sending him to the very people who are after him, but like I said who gives a shit. After this it can go two ways: She decides to stay with the Akatsuki and everyone honors her decision so long as they promise to leave Naruto alone and they do, which completely fucks up all their plans because they truly need all nine jinchuuriki. Or. The Akatsuki give up their evil ways and move to Konoha. Which one happens? I can't fucking tell you cause I'm making this shit up as I go along. To be honest what's most likely gonna happen is your gonna stop reading cause you realize this story is bull shit. Or. I'm gonna stop writing and discontinue because I realize this story is bull shit. I suck at summary's! Bad summary! But it's good. PLEASE READ._

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><p><em>...<em>

Story of our fanfiction lives.

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><p><strong>AN: Review.**


	14. Technology no Jutsu

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>I've been thinking...I don't think I like my summary too much. So boring. Any suggestions?<p>

Anyways. On to the chapter!

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><p>You bitches work fast.<p>

I upload the chapter.

Eat some cereal.

Check my email.

Motherfucking 50 alerts.

Either I'm really funny…

Or you guys pity me and fear for my sanity.

Just kidding you bitches already know I'm insane.

Pshaw.

Anyways since you're so awesome:

I wrote you guys another song!

Here it goes:

Salutations

To each and every nation

It's Aiko and the BB

We're ridiculous bitches

We're fucking crazy.

The end.

Ha.

Take that Kirei-chan.

You know what I hate?

Smartasses.

* * *

><p><strong>*Me telling a Story*<strong>

Me: So I was driving home-

Guy: You were driving?

Me:…No, bitch. My mom was. Was that information even fucking relevant.

* * *

><p>But onto the clichés, yes?<p>

How many of us have this happen:

* * *

><p><strong>Me at Home<strong>

"Oh my gosh how is Kakashi going to warn Naruto in time! It's too late! Wait maybe the author is going to use this time to bust out a teleportation jutsu! Eek he's reaching into his pocket! For a scroll maybe? He pulled out a..a...a cellphone! Wait...what the fuck?"

* * *

><p>There are just something's that you should not mix. While Naruto is on a mission, he should not be able to flip out a cell phone and text Sakura his location. Nor is he allowed to just go back home and open up his laptop and talk to some stranger online who he then falls in love with but said person turns out to be Sasuke and they fall in love and have babies.<p>

That scenario is wrong in many ways, yet exists in our world today.

But you know Naruto could be a bit more consistent with these things as well.

For example:

1. Clash in the Land of Snow

They fucking have movie theaters in Naruto?

If they have fucking color movies then they should also have televisions and phones.

2. I don't fucking remember the name.

But there was a little boy that was a brat that Naruto was assigned to protect. The little boy had a pet fucking tiger.

The kid played games on his Gameboy.

The. Fuck.

But who cares, we all still love it.

Even though it's so much more depressing now...

*Sigh*

...

Anyways.

After awhile of fanficing, and all my old timers can attest to this, you are given like fucking super powers.

In regards to fanfiction anyway.

You have this ability...

It helps you.

It guides you.

It lets you know...

When a story is gonna suck.

It's an awesome power.

If it sucks, give us the first paragraph and we can map out the rest of your story. Or in other cases we get so disgusted that we can't even continue reading and find ourselves frantically clicking the back button.

We're the fucking ultimates at judging shit.

Now before I leave you guys, I'm going to pinpoint a anime cliche you can find anywhere:

If you look closely enough at the civilians in the background.

You can always find a couple of people that were in past fillers, were past villains, or who are...

Oh, you know…

Dead.

Who's up for an Easter scavenger hunt?

What's the first curse word I used in my story?

Have fun!

Happy Easter.

Fuck bitches.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review! **


	15. Akatsuki Drama Part II: Teenage Girls

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Wow. I think I have the best reviewers ever. Over 200 reviews? Who would've thought! This calls for another song… which I stole off a risen truth ruthless lies's page.<p>

Everywhere we go

(Everywhere we go)

People wanna know

(People wanna know)

Who we are

(Who we are)

So we kill them

(So we kill them)

We are the Akatsuki

(We are the Akatsuki)

The mighty, mighty, Akatsuki

(The mighty, mighty Akatsuki)

Yeah!

There you have it.

Anyways!

You know what I fucking hate?

That point in the school year when everybody just has no more of their fucking shit. Pencils, paper, you name it. It creates scenes like this.

* * *

><p><strong>*Me in Class*<strong>

Me: Hey Binky can I borrow some paper?

Binky: I don't have any man, sorry.

Me: It's cool *turns away*

Binky: I need some paper…He y Reagan can I have some paper?

Reagan: This is my last sheet, sorry.

Binky: No worries. Um…Ah! Hey Aiko! Got any paper.

Me:…I just…Fuck it.

* * *

><p>And then when you find someone with fucking paper they're like I only have a little left. And I'm just like:<p>

Bitch. I don't give a fuck how much paper you have left. Just give me some.

But in reality I'm like:

Oh! It's fine, girl! Don't worry about it! (Insert fake smile here)

Anyway.

I may have mentioned this before this once or twice, but this chapter is dedicated entirely to this statement:

Bitch. The Akatsuki doesn't want you.

Like real deal diarrhea stanky booty ass shit.

No bitch, if Hidan cursed you out and you curse him out back, he will not be like "This bitch has guts, I like her." He will fucking chop your head off and sacrifice your ass.

You don't call Itachi "weasel-kun" or chastise him for the lack of variety in his responses. He will fucking use the tsukiyomi on your ass.

If you blow shit up around Deidara, he won't praise your artistic ability. He'll blow your ass up.

Sasori will fucking turn you into a puppet before the author could even explain how he somehow came back to life.

Konan will not like you because she thinks it would be "nice to have other girls around." She will paper cut your ass to death.

If you call Kisame "fishy-chan," he'll murder you.

You just don't even try messing with Pein.

If you knew Tobi's identity, he'd kill you.

Kakuzu will never let you borrow money and would kill you for asking.

Zetsu will just fucking eat you.

And that, bitches, and bastards, is why the Akatsuki and teenage girls:

Don't mix.

But honestly can someone please fucking explain the whole Tobi deal to me.

Is anybody else confused about that?

Or maybe it's just me.

It might be just me…

Yeah.

Just me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	16. Summer Burst

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Hello all! Long time no write, yes?<p>

You know what I fucking hate?

How all these goddamn teachers decide to assign every project they forgot to assign over the years in the last weeks of school…

Oh well.

I'm back and will once again update regularly because where I live…

It is now summer fucking vacation bitches!

Beware.

With summer comes lots of free time.

And with lots of free time comes:

The Summer Burst.

It's quite simple really.

This is when the amount of stories on fanfiction sky rockets. Here's the problem though: It's when all the crappy stories come out. Tons of people get bored and start a story with no plan going in and no will to finish. I mean, we know it's true. We all have those stories that we followed during the summer and once school started they were never to be seen again. Fuck you authors for that, by the way. Anyway, so here are two simple summer steps to keep the Naruto section of fanfiction a nice and happy place.

1. Summer Based Plots:

We fucking get it. It's summer. Damn. Here is a classic summary:

_It's summer time and the Naruto guys and girls are heading to the beach. But when secrets come out friendships and relationships are tested. Does love really conquer all?_

Or if the author fucking wants every goddamn character in their story, it can go like this:

_When rookie nine, team Gai, team sand, the Akatsuki, and taka are all on the same cruise they already knew that the trip would be chaotic. But what they didn't know was that love was lurking around the corner._

It better be a good ass story if it's going to be with a plot like that.

2. Don't have more characters than you can handle cause shit like this happens

* * *

><p><strong>Me at Home<strong>

Ya know…I haven't heard from Kakashi in…oh I don't know…fifteen chapters

* * *

><p>And now you have to start killing people off and at that point, I start clicking the back button.<p>

So my dear readers, I advise you to have patience this summer…

For me.

Cause I fucking have none.

The minute I read some god awful, piece of shit, I will be back here talking about how bad it was.

To the point where the author of the story would know it was his or her shit.

Does anyone else hate when a writer is all "Don't like, don't read"?

I fucking do.

It sounds like they're having a fucking attitude with me!

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

_Sakura falls in love with a certain Uchiha. However, he is popular and she isn't…can the Akatsuki help her break out of her shell? No flaming. Don't like, don't read._

"Sakura…Uchiha…Akatsuki…Flaming…Don't like don't…wait a minute, don't like don't read? Bitch, I'll read what I fucking wanna read. Don't tell me what I can and can't do! And if you didn't fucking want anyone to read your shit why is it here? This isn't a toilet. Dumb whore…"

* * *

><p>That's what I fucking do.<p>

Then again…

I'm a bit crazy aren't I.

...

So!

Since I love to know...or stalk... my readers.

Care to share your summer anime and or manga? What was the one you had last summer?

I usually pick a summer anime. Last summer I watched Katekyo Hitman Reborn, which is now my favorite anime. As for this summer...

Fairy Tail all day bitches.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review**


	17. Why Am I Still Reading This

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>You know what I hate?

This knew motherfucking I Am Robot shit that occurs when you fucking try and log in to fanfiction.

No I'm not a god damn robot.

So fuck you, my good sir!

Anyways.

You know that feeling where you're just kinda reading a story and you're just like…

What the fuck is this.

But then, you notice that you're on chapter seven.

So basically you've been thinking this for seven chapters yet you continue to read.

Even I, probably _the _pickiest critic in Naruto fanfiction, do it.

We call this the "Why Am I Still Reading This?" effect.

It's almost as if you are trapped in this story and you can't look away.

Here is my explanation:

It's a downward spiral. You start a story and you're like "Man! This is gonna be good!" and you know what you do? You wait. You sit there fucking reading waiting for the god damn good part of the story. Which my friends, is not gonna come. True story:

**Me at Home**

"Oh Fanfiction…We meet again. Oooooh a story! Looks interesting! I'm gonna put all my hope in this fic being amazing and adventurous! Let me just take a sneak peek!...Oh wow…this is a um…really…really…slow start…But I know it'll get better! In fact, I'm going to devote tonight to this story! I just gotta have patience and wait for the good part."

* * *

><p>I spent 27, one million word, chapters…waiting for the good part.<p>

…

And then the bitch discontinued it.

No, I didn't review.

I sent that crazy ass mother-fucker a private message. And I asked her a simple question.

"What possessed you to write such a god-awful story, my poor child?"

You know what she did?

She apologized.

So my lesson today is:

Don't wait. If the story is shit the story is shit. Do not wait for the shit to clog your toilet before you fucking decide to flush…

It's a process.

Shit then flush, shit then flush.

This is only if you're constipated though

…

I'm sorry.

Just how many times did I say shit in this chapter anyway...

Isn't this like…the second time I'm fucking alluding to god damn toilets?

And...

Why do I use so many motherfucking ellipses?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	18. Double Pull

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>As I just typed the word "As" I sneezed all over the fucking air.

...

You wanna know what's crazy?

Boredom.

I legitimately just sat here…

And created an entire social website.

Why…who knows.

If you would like to see what I did in my spare time feel free to visit:

my-own-biggest-fan

.

spruz

.

com

Isn't crazy that we have to do shit like that for you to be able to read take out all the enters and whatnot.

Number of members: Me.

Feel free to join me in my boredom anytime.

Cause you can actually join it.

Watch out Matt Zuckerburg.

Anyways.

Today after having a discussion with GoodBoy-Chan, via pm, I realized something.

Why the fuck are half the hottest characters bad guys.

Has anyone else fucking noticed that?  
>The bad guys are usual supposed to be nasty and disgusting, making us hate them.<p>

For example: Voldemort.

He is one nasty motherfucker.

It leads to us falling in love with the villain and hating it when he's defeated, when in reality it's what we should be hoping for. For example: The Akatsuki.

They're fucking hot, I don't want them to die.

They are often the coolest characters too.

Why we ask?

Cause it's double the pull factor.

We watch the show because, one, we fall in love with the hero/heroine and two; we want to see the smexy ass villain.

Just thought I'd share that little thought.

Cause you guys care what I think...

Right...?

Yeah...

Anyways.

You guys should totally join my site.

God that shit would be hilarious if we became the next big thing…for otakus.

Damn.

I am one bored bitch.

Oh well.

Life's a bitch.

So fuck it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	19. HYD Plots

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>So I've been reading a lot of Horror and Romance stories lately...<p>

...

Yup.

Found my way to the dark side of fanfiction again somehow.

Kinda went something like this:

***Me at Home***

_I want to make you bleed. I want to make you scream my name. And my name alone. I want you and I will have you. You are _**mine. **_Don't let anybody convince you other wise. So go ahead. Cry for me._

"...Great. I'm on the weird part of fanfiction again..."

Actually, I use the "weird" for lack of better word. I actually love a good Horror/Romance story. And so actually that's all I've been reading for the past...two days.

Go HR stories.

Anyways!

In my years of fanfiction, there is one plot that is so widely used and popular I'm going to write this short chapter about it.

I call it:

The HYD plot.

Now if you're an extreme anime nerd you may already know what that stands for, if not, let me elaborate.

It's the:

Hana Yori Dango plot.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

Almost every author must have fucking watched that anime, cause man, it's everywhere.

Now some of you may be like:

***You at Home***

"Hana Yori Dango plot…What the fuck is a Hana Yori Dango?"

Well have you ever seen a summary or read a story that could be summed up like this:

_Sakura is new to the school and witnesses people being bullied by a group known as the H4. They are the handsomest, smartest, and wealthiest boys in the school. With the students and even teachers too afraid to stop them, Sakura stands up to them. As a result though, Sakura gets a red letter in her locker, and on it are three words that changes Sakura's life forever. This. Means. War. _

Basically your heroine, usually Sakura, stands up to a group of hot fucking guys, usually the Akatsuki or Sasuke and co., after seeing them bullying some timid kid, usually Hinata, and the school ends up trying to pull mean pranks on Sakura, usually her desk going missing and things of that nature, and she falls in love with one of the members of whatever group of guys is ruling the school, usually mother fucking Sasuke.

Why that plot line is so popular escapes me, if you ask me I makes it harder cause since there are so many it's hard to be one of the good ones that stand out.

My advice?

If you do borrow a plot line make it a less used one or one that's never been used.

But hey, that's just me.

#FuckBitches

#Yaoi4Life

#BB

#WhyDoIKeepUsingHashtags

#IActuallyDon'tEvenUseTwitter

#Facebook

PS: Can you guys believe we've hit 27 chapters? And 285 reviews? It's all thanks to you guys though.

!$#

That's a hidden message.

Here's a clue.

I pressed the shift key as I typed those symbols.

Have fun!

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	20. I Can't Think Of A Good Chapter Title

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Holy mother fucking shit.<p>

Fanfiction is upgrading.

It makes you actually wanna write some shit.

Book covers?

Well damn.

I'm getting old…

Well today I will be pointing out a series of things that have been brought to my attention and I have come across myself.

If you're looking for an OC filled, annoying as story. Then there is one major word you must be out on the lookout for.

Randomness.

If randomness is fucking ensuing you're treading on thin waters…or however that fucking saying goes.

But honestly.

Even if you are looking for a funny story. If the word random is in the summary, half of the time it will give you nothing but a head ache.

You know what else gives you a head ache?

Unnecessary shit.

Why do people do unnecessary shit.

In chapter 8 "Anthropomorphism: Reversed" it was brought to my attention by Reina Kuran another annoying exaggeration that we readers faces.

And that's fucking Hinata's stuttering.

God that shit can be unrecognizable.

Leading to things like this:

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

'_N-N-N-N-N-N-Na-Na-Naruto-ku-kun, I-I-I-I-I-I-I r-r-r-r-r-real-real-really l-l-l-l-l-like—_

"Fuck. This. God. Damn. Mother. Fucking. Christ. Forsaken. Shit."

* * *

><p>You guys know how easily I get annoyed.<p>

We get it.

She stutters.

A simple:

"_N-Naruto-kun I…I r-really like y-you."_

Or for the laziest.

"_Naruto-kun I really like you," Hinata stuttered._

Every Naruto fan immediately inserts the stutters mentally when Hinata speaks.

It's force of fucking habit.

It's learned behavior…kinda like…

When Hinata speaks she stutters.

When Natsu gets "fired up", shits about to go down.

When Ash turns his hat backwards, shits about to go down.

When Yam Yugi says "It's time to duel", shits about to go down.

Learned behavior.

That's why it's takes getting used to when a writers writes a sentence like.

"_Hinata had long since gotten over her stutter and random fainting, only further proving her maturity."_

It makes me shiver a bit.

Now I will quote a review that I just couldn't help but agree by Lil Leif.

"You know what absolutely grinds my gears? When an author will leave an awesome cliffhanger at the end of a chapter like and then Sally heard a noise and someone breathed in her ear "I've finally found you" and then you wait the requisite amount of time and you excitedly open up the new chapter and they start off with "Sally turned around only to find her cat" Da FUCK? screw this shit. That makes me so angry! Grrr it makes me want to find the author and bash their head in with a wrench or something."

Fucking happens all the time.

Hell…

I think as an author even I've actually done that one…

Heh…

On a concluding note. I want to point out one last thing.

Why the fuck does everyone have such long profiles.

With the whole:

"99% of teens would cry of Justin Beiber died, repost if you're the 15 who wouldn't"

Or

"I think I'm pretty, so I must be a self-loving bitch."

God, legitimately.

My scrolling device shrinks to the size of a pin.

That shit gets scary to.

"If you don't repost this then I don't love God" or "If you don't repost this, your best friend's mom will die."

Well, fuck you. My best friend's mom is already died.

God bless her soul.

I honestly don't give a shit and no one in the world does either.

We all just click "hide bio"

Makes life easier.

I'm sure we've all done it though.

I know I have.

…

Then I got tired of how much I had to scroll down on my own page and deleted that shit.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	21. Big Brother's Watching

**A/N: Enjoy! **

* * *

><p>Hm.<p>

Houston. We have a problem.

Today is the day to discuss the cliché of the difference between flaming and critiquing.

In flaming: you are a hardcore asshole.

In critiquing: you are a soft-core asshole.

Anyways.

So I was frolicking merrily on fanfiction when I came across a story alerting me to the fact that on fanfiction there is a forum called Critics United.

Critics?

I'm a critic.

That was my fucking expected reaction. But in all actuality it went a bit more like this:

***Me at Home***

"Critics United! Sounds like where I fucking belong cause I am a mighty fine critic! Let's go to the forum page…Oh! Look here they are talking about stories they've critiqued…Holy shit…did they…actually put that on someone's story…that's kinda harsh- damn…fuck! God have mercy what the hell is this?"

And you can figure what happened from there.

They fucking had a section entirely devoted to getting rid of stories.

Now you may be wondering: Why the fuck is she telling me this shit?

Refer to line two of this post.

I fucking broke so many goddamn rules the shit isn't even funny. I legitimately flipped shit. I calmed down a bit thinking to myself and fixed the problem. The story has always basically been a story about a girl named Aiko who blogs and the first chapter was basically her starting and flashing into her blog posts. And it'll be ended as such.

I also, with teary eyes, deleted the three interactive chapters we had cause I didn't want any crazy ass fuckers reporting them or telling me I'm not following god damn guide lines. I don't give a shit.

Problem solved. This "blog post" is basically me explaining the deletion of three others.

Which kills me ya know.

As a fucking writer, each chapter is your baby.

It's your mother fucking cunt muffin.

If someone comes to you and tells you that your baby is dumb, poorly written, or childish you're gonna get pissed. Of course there's two ways to do it.

Like a teacher.

Or like a bully.

There are both in the world of fanfiction. I advise you to watch the fuck out.

Last thing any of us want to be is banned. Cause some god damn ass wipes decided to annoying.

This is beyond CU or whatever the fuck and goes for all critics.

Some critics are mean as hell.

Others aren't.

That's fucking life I guess.

Onto other pressing matters.

Why the fuck is it that in almost all OC stories. Everyone wants to learn to be a fucking ninja.

Why the fuck would you wanna be a ninja in the world of Naruto.

Kishimoto doesn't discriminate.

He will kill your ass off.

Not even Naruto's fucking safe if you ask me.

It's always like this:

"_Akatsuki I am Lily Walker. I will give you information about your future, since where I come from you're all fictional characters! There's only one condition. No, no not ensure my safety for the time being here, prohibit the other members from harming me, or promising my safe release when my time here is done. I wanna be a fucking ninja. Come one Itachi! Teach how to climb a fucking tree now!"_

You will never be a successful ninja.

Go die.

That is all for today my loves.

And remember.

Big brother's watching.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Watch my shit get fucking reported haha. If that's the case then it's been a good run. Love you guys!**

**Review!**


	22. Marry me?

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Along with the HYD plot there is another very common plot in the Naruto fanfiction universe.<p>

It's called:

…

Um.

Yeah…Sorry I legitimately just sat here and tried to think of what to call it, but everything I came up with sounded stupid…

So I'll just describe.

It's basically is like this:

_AU. Sasuke Uchiha is a rich and handsome young man who everyone is too afraid to cross, except, that is, the new pink haired maid. But what happens when he finds out that if he doesn't find a suitable wife in one month he will either lose his inheritance or be forced to have an arranged marriage. Well to answer it simply, love, lust, and a lot of laughs._

Basically the "You-have-to-find-a-wife-in-this-given-time-frame-or-your-life-will-suck" plot.

…

See that was too long and if I had said you guys wouldn't have needed the example and this chapter would be one sentence.

But yes. The plot is widely known and used, just like the HYD ones.

Just gotta work on giving it a title…

* * *

><p><strong>Review!<strong>

**A/N: We all know how we hate people responding to shit before the story. So I waited till after.**

**The hardest part about anonymous reviews is that you can't respond to them even though someone took the time out of your day to send it. So here is to this one anonymous reviewer. You know who you are.**

**Dear you,**

**You've said your fair share of shit to me which is fine feel free to continue cause honestly I don't give a fuck. However you've also laughed and agreed with things I've said so thanks for reviewing. **

**I've efficiently responded to both your negative and positive reviews.**

**-Aiko Fucking Hanashi**

**PS: Yes I do prefer stories with Hinata as the main character; however, I don't 'hate' Sakura. Also, no I am not jealous of Sakura because she is, indeed, a fictional character. Like... what the fuck? Thanks again though hope you enjoy the rest of the story.**

**PSS: Please don't be so offended. I'm not directing this story at any authors rather the cliches themselves. **


	23. Marriage plots, Summaries,& Math! Oh My!

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Whoa guys.

Crazy shit almost just happened.

I almost just jumped straight into the chapter without any pre-chapter banter.

How unbecoming of me.

I haven't posted in a bit, have I.

How have you guys been?

Read any good stories lately?

Any one find out who the fuck Tobi really is?

Any on wondering if maybe he's just...Tobi?

Too simple though, right.

It's Naruto!

Things can't be so simple.

Then it would be short.

Naruto?

Short and straight to the point?

Bahaha!

Yeah.

With thousand of fillers and ten episode long battle scenes.

Totally straight to the point.

Leaving us with questions like:

Is anyone else we like gonna die?

Will there ever actually be any couples?

How are they gonna go about the whole Sasuke business?

Seems pretty tricky to me.

Luckily for the world of the mentally sane:

I do not own Naruto.

Oooh look!

A disclaimer!

* * *

><p>When discussing marriage plots there is another that simply cannot be ignored. This plot that we all know is called:<p>

The SAM.

Or the Sand Alliance Marriage.

Now, we all fucking know that Gaara is forever indebted to Naruto after the Chunin Exams and would never go to goddamn war with the leaf, but for the sake of enjoyment, we choose to forget it and watch as Hiashi arranges a marriage to the sand using Hinata because she is such a disgrace and needs to find a way for Hanabi to become heiress. And of course Hanabi's reaction can only be one of two things because Hanabi is painted one of two ways. She'll either be like:

"No! You can't leave Hinata. Hinata, dad is a fucking prick and an asshole I hate him." Wherein you will find Hanabi painted as the bad ass little sister.

Or it'll be more like:

"You deserve it for being so spineless." Wherein you will find Hanabi painted as is the carbon copy Hiashi.

It's the author's world so we live with what they choose.

On another subject.

I've been on fucking fanfiction at random times today and at each time I found myself reading fucking god awful summaries.

Like, damn.

Do you want your story to be read?

People can be such lazy asses.  
>In summaries you can come across what I like to call:<p>

Bullet-point Summaries.

Self-explanatory, yes?

Legitimately it really went like this

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

_The girls are upset. They leave. They come back...They're strong._

"…What the fuck. Like is this shit supposed to be like some motivational "they came, they saw, they conquered" kinda shit maybe. Cause god it sounds like a five year old wrote it."

* * *

><p>I even saw something along the lines of this.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

_The girls are upset. They leave. They come back...They're pregnant._

"Upset…Leave…Come back…They're pregnant…Wait…What the-"

* * *

><p>Story of my birth.<p>

And apparently the birth of new OCs as well.

And another lazy thing.

"The girls"

Now normally we assume:

Sakura, Hinata, Ten Ten, Ino, and Temari.

And the corresponding guys it would be:

Sasuke, Naruto, Neji…and Shikamaru?

I'm short…a guy.

Wait fuck.

…

Hey when reviewing if you'd be so kind as to leave me a list of who are "the girls" with their corresponding "guy".

…

Anyways!

What if we don't feel like thinking!

What if some odd person is like:

"The girls! Oh! You mean Tayuya, Kin, Ayame, Guren, and Shizune!"

Now that would be a fucking odd person…but you never know!

So! The last thing I'd like to point out is something almost all of us do. It's what I like to call.

The CR Ratio.

Which is obviously the chapter to review ratio.

As shallow as it may seem, a lot of us do it.

It can either go like this.

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"Whoa. This story has 10 chapters but 1k+ reviews! I'm checking that shit out!"

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"This story has…53 chapters…and 20 reviews…um…so yeah. Next."

* * *

><p>I suppose the way to look at it would be:<p>

Good amount more reviews than chapters= Let's read!

Basically equal amount of reviews and chapters= Ehh.

More chapters than reviews= Um…Yeah…

…

The world of fanfiction is a cold one sometimes.

It's a cold one.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	24. I Guess You Could Try Blaming Spellcheck

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Hey guys! I'd like to take this moment to get all sappy. There are over 400 reviews, way more than I would've ever anticipated for these little shorts about shit.<p>

I'm crying...

Tears of laughter!

I swear you guys leave the funniest reviews.

I upload a chapter and make you guys laugh.

You leave your little funny ass reviews and I laugh.

We have one of those fucking symbiotic relationships!

Which one...

Well I'm not too sure.

Anyways!

I'm not gonna lie.

I'm quite confused by the first part of today's rant.

I guess you could call it SITCS.

Standard In-Text Conversation Structure.

Now I've read some pretty fucking awesome fanfiction, but even those sometimes seem not to obey this writing rule that has been ingrained in my writing education since like motherfucking day one.

I often see people do it like this.

(This shit is about to be boring as hell, you don't even have to fucking read it just look at the dialogue).

* * *

><p>"Mrs. Joe has been out a dozen times, looking for you, Pip. And she's out now, making it a baker's dozen." "Is she?" "Yes, Pip," said Joe; "and what's worse, she's got Tickler with her." At this dismal intelligence, I twisted the only button on my waistcoat round and round, and looked in great depression at the fire. Tickler was a wax-ended piece of cane, worn smooth by collision with my tickled frame. "She sat down," said Joe, "and she got up, and she made a grab at Tickler, and she Ram-paged out. That's what she did," said Joe, slowly clearing the fire between the lower bars with the poker, and looking at it; "she Ram-paged out, Pip." "Has she been gone long, Joe?" I always treated him as a larger species of child, and as no more than my equal. "Well," said Joe, glancing up at the Dutch clock, "she's been on the Ram-page, this last spell, about five minutes, Pip. She's a coming! Get behind the door, old chap, and have the jack-towel betwixt you."<p>

* * *

><p>That how I see that shit sometimes. When I've been taught:<p>

* * *

><p>"Mrs. Joe has been out a dozen times, looking for you, Pip. And she's out now, making it a baker's dozen."<p>

"Is she?"

"Yes, Pip," said Joe; "and what's worse, she's got Tickler with her."

At this dismal intelligence, I twisted the only button on my waistcoat round and round, and looked in great depression at the fire. Tickler was a wax-ended piece of cane, worn smooth by collision with my tickled frame.

"She sot down," said Joe, "and she got up, and she made a grab at Tickler, and she Ram-paged out. That's what she did," said Joe, slowly clearing the fire between the lower bars with the poker, and looking at it; "she Ram-paged out, Pip."

"Has she been gone long, Joe?" I always treated him as a larger species of child, and as no more than my equal.

"Well," said Joe, glancing up at the Dutch clock, "she's been on the Ram-page, this last spell, about five minutes, Pip. She's a coming! Get behind the door, old chap, and have the jack-towel betwixt you."

* * *

><p>So what the fuck?<p>

Are people just too lazy or is this another writing style I have never seen or heard of in the world of literature and writing?

Whatever the fuck it is, it makes shit harder to read and annoys the fuck outta me.

But I guess if your story is fucking awesome I'd deal. I have before.

But I fucking prefer not to.

However, I know, without a doubt, that this annoys people.

When people spell shit wrong.

And I don't mean they misspell words like "accidentally" or "malfunction" or shit like that.

I mean legitimately. The spell Kakashi like Kakshi or Tsunade like Sunade or Sasuke like Saske.

Holy fuck, that annoys that shit out of me.

* * *

><p><strong>*Me at Home*<strong>

"Hm..this story is okay. I'm sure it'll get bet-Hold the fuck up did they just spell Konoha like Kohana…Well maybe it was just a really fucking bad mista- Oh they did it again…and again there. Um no. Bitch how are you gonna a write a story and you can't fucking spell your shit right. I mean, come on. You can easily look this shit up on the Naruto wikia. I'm not reading anymore of this bullshit."

* * *

><p>If I had a dollar for every time I've seen someone misspell "Konoha" , I'd be fucking rich.<p>

So please.

For the sake of us readers.

People who misspell the important stuff?

Yeah.

Stop doing that shit.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: R **e _**v **i_ **e** w


	25. Of Gasping Babies and Men

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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><p>Hello all!<p>

It's been way too mother fucking long.

School and laziness and shit.

You writers know how it is.

Now before I go on to the chapter I would just like to share with you the absurdity of something I read today.

The story was pretty fucking good but the main character was going undercover because she was actually a well-known and hated person. For the sake of this rant she will be known to the public as "The Princess of the Pencil".

In this god damn story this dumb bitch would always go around saying "I hope no one finds out that I THE PRINCESS OF THE PENCIL."

Aloud.

Fucking everywhere she went and it would leave me like this.

* * *

><p><strong>Me at Home<strong>

"_Oh no! Everyone hear hate THE PRINCESS OF THE PENCIL. I hope no one will figure out that I'm really THE PRINCESS OF THE PENCIL….Man just yesterday I was THE PRINCESS OF THE PENCIL and now I'm here enjoying this party hoping no one finds out that I'm THE PRINCESS OF THE PENCIL."_

"Shhhh! Sh! What the fuck bitch no! See now that cunt faced reporter heard you and you're going to be on the cover of every magazine by the next chapter! It's about time to. Going everywhere yelling about your god damn secret, you'd think you want everyone to fucking know!"

* * *

><p>Anyways!<p>

One topic we will be looking at today is:

**The Gasp**

Looking for a really intimate scene?

Want to deepen a lustful kiss!

The sure fire way to do so is:

Gasping!

"_Sakura gasped surprised by the sudden kiss. Sasuke, taking advantage of this opening, deepens the kiss testing every crevice of her mouth."_

We've all read it!

It's an easy device. And I don't even fucking see a problem with it!

Another topic we will be discussing today is a little plot bunny I like to call:

**No Know Preggos**

Which, as the name implies is when our lovely female leads get pregnant either get pregnant and:

-Don't know who the baby daddy is

-Know who the baby daddy is but doesn't get the chance to tell baby daddy cause he leaves and/or dies

-Leaves the village

The last one is the one I don't fucking get.

Like one time I read a summary and it was like this:

_The girls have had enough and decide to leave the village. They return eight months later…each baring an infant. Wait eight months?! Who are the fathers of the newest inheritors of the will of fire?_

And I made that sound one hundred times better than it truly was.

That is all I have for today my lovely bitches.

Before we part I do have some questions.

So Tobi is…Obi?

I never really got the whole story of Asuma's past….did anybody else?

Are you TemaShika or InoShika ? (I'm personally InoShika)

And most importantly!

We know Zabuza.

We know Kisame.

Who are the other five members of the seven swordsmen…

The world may never know.

Love, peace, and hair grease.

Fuck bitches.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	26. I was always here, silly!

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Hey guys.<p>

I'm just going to not address the fact that I've been gone for a bajillion ever.

Cause we all know no one really gives a shit and we just want to read what clichés I have come across during my absence.

I have come across much of one major thing lately.

Inserts.

Yeah I know what you're thinking.

"Bitch, OCs aren't new you dumb whore!"

Yes but recently I have come across a lot of what I would like to call:

**Hey! I've been here the whole time!**

Maybe everyone's noticed it already.

But yes it's that fucking plot line where Itachi fucking killed all the Uchiha's except Sasuke…

And their aunty's baby cousin Emiko or some shit.

Or it's the one where Naruto has a twin sister Naru-fucking-ko and instead of the Kyuubi being placed in Naruto it was placed inside of his sister or even better they somehow manage to fucking cut the Kyuubi in two and do fucking halvsies.

It's even more exasperating when they, for the sake of their OCs, make three man genin teams instead of four man genin teams!

Like no!

Just replace Sakura or some shit I don't know but I just think some parts of Naruto ethic should remain constant.

**Ramen-Happy**

On the subject of Naruto as a character.

He is not _that_ ramen obsessed and retarded.

Like honestly, I read stories where all he fucking does is talk about ramen!

He would not pass up an opportunity to eat it, yes, but he does not make it the topic of all conversations he ever fucking has.

**The Mask**  
>Another little Naruto (as a character…) personality is:<p>

The mask.

You know where he acts like a happy-go-lucky kid when he's on the inside he's actually a Kyuubi trained certified hustler ultimate ninja scroll fuinjustu demon vampire god in space who hates people, smiles, laughter, joy, sunshine, and rainbows and will become Hokage and use his power to take over all hidden villages and become supreme dictator of all that is ninja with his harem of every single female Naruto character who is alive or dead.

Um.

Yeah.

No.

Now before we part there is something I'd like to say to you all.

The presidential elections are coming up and everyone's (who's over the age of 18 i.e. not me) vote counts. So if you're one of those people who probably won't vote think of it this way:

Remember what happened when Orochimaru (who's back from the dead by the way looky there…I'll come back to that) wasn't picked to be Hokage…

Vote for the guy who will be like Orochimaru in the event that he loses.

Speaking of Orochimaru.

He's fucking back.

God damn.

Either Kishimoto is too lazy to come up with new villains…

Or shit's about to go down.

Fuck Bitches Get Money.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	27. Namings and Do's

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>I think I'll start periodically posting some Fanfiction Do's.<p>

Just to balance off my fucking negative ass remarks.

Now before I go off into my Fanfiction Do's I just want to point out a fucking scene that is a focal point to any plot line like this.

And that is the cat naming scene of any Acatsuki story.

Yes.

It's where the Akatsuki are gathered around and their names go something like this

Itachi- Weasel (He just reminded them of a weasel! What can the say!)

Konan- Blue (Her hair color. Very Original)

Pein- Pain (With an 'a' though. Difference.)

Hidan- Jashin (Because the namer is one of those people who say "Oh my Jashin")

Kakazu- Stitches (Cause it looks like he has them)

Zetsu- WB (White and Black)

Tobi- Jumpy (Cause he's hyperactive!)

Kisame- Fishy (Always.)

Sasori- Bloody Two Shoes (Red hair…)

Deidara- Blondie (What else?)

Has anyone else noticed how those stories all basically begin the fucking same?

It usually goes something like this:

* * *

><p><strong>Fake Acatsuki Story<strong>

"_Hey Megan!" Ruthie shouted, "Let's go to the pet store!"_

_Ruthie's parents had just left on a five year long voyage around the world and left Ruthie alone in their twenty room mansion. Don't worry though, not only will Ruthie's friends—Megan, Stacy, Lily, Anna, and Millie— whose parents let them live with another sixteen-year-old for five years, be staying with her, but her parents said she can get a pet cat to ease the loneliness. She decided to get nine. Wait. Ten, actually, because for plot purposes we're going to do the Akatsuki plus the deceased Sasori, because he's hot. Now that you're all caught up!_

"_Okay Ruthie, gosh you bitch," Megan responded._

_Oh yes what about her friends!_

_Since I'm too lazy to incorporate it into the story, I'm just going to list their qualities for you._

_Ruthie- Stereotypical calm cool and collected friend._

_Probable Pairing: Itachi_

_Megan- Stereotypical bad ass friend who curses all the time and doesn't give a fuck about shit._

_Probable Pairing: Hidan_

_Stacy: The stereotypical artsy type, prefers long lasting, beautiful poetry and paintings._

_Probable Pairing: Sasori_

_Lily: The stereotypical pyromaniac, prefers short lived, stunning sculptures._

_Probable Pairing: Deidara_

_Those are basically all the hot guys sine Pein is always paired with Konan._

…

_So the rest aren't important._

_And off to the pet store they go._

* * *

><p>And then there will be the "transformation" scene where they accidentally hit the cats with water and they all transform into naked Akatsuki members and the "who sleeps where" scene and the "Whose will go with so-and-so grocery shopping and who will go with so-and-so clothing shopping" scene and so on and so forth.<p>

**Fanfiction Do's **

Not everyone is the same. However, these are things that attract me to a story starting with the basics. (The examples given below are real stories by real authors whose stories I enjoy).

1. A witty title.

If you have a clever ass title I'm more likely to read your story. Not necessarily a pun but it gives a bit of insight as to what your story may be about without blatantly saying it. Something such as:

_Another Way to Serve_

_Dirty Old Men_

The first is about Hinata as a civilian, the second, about the Naruto girls in relationships with Jounins.

Subtle, yet with meaning.

2. Interesting Summaries

Personally I think the best summaries are the one that are quotes from the story.

Picking that quote that really captures a key theme.

Also funny summaries often draw me in even when it's a serious story.

I've actually come to dislike those fucking summaries that are for like romance stories that end like: "but she didn't count on love to come knocking her off her feet, did she?" or "But can she survive friends, family and love?"

It creates a scene like this:

* * *

><p><strong>Me at Home<strong>

_Was she the fearless girl she thought she was or was she afraid of the one thing she yearned for the most: love?_

"…Am I supposed to fucking answer that?"

* * *

><p>Well those are your two do's for now!<p>

Oh and something interesting!

Just to put a time perspective on it.

Naruto began airing:

October 3, 2002.

Damn.

Fuck bitches.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	28. Awkwardness and a Treat

**A/N: It's been too long my bitches! I always get so happy when people tell me that they have joined the Bitch Brigade XD**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>There is nothing more fucking awkward than reading a terribly written lemon.<p>

Honestly.

It's a dreadful thing to undertake.

It's so bad…

That it's funny.

I shall demonstrate.

* * *

><p><em>The Faithful First Time of the Sun and the Moon:<em>

_Garden of the forbidden fruit:_

_キスしたくなるような幸せな陽気な愛を愛して_

_Hinata was so excited! This was going to be her first time. And she was so glad that it was Naruto who was going to…going to…_

_Put his superman in her fortress of solitude._

_Naruto finally exited to shower, beads of water trickling down his figure as if he were the God of Liquid Trickling Patterns: Water, Urine, and More._

_And he was naked._

"_N-Naruto," Hinata squeaked softly._

_Seductively._

"_I'm ready for your great, big, large due to Kyuubi's chakra, demon rod."_

_Naruto smirked._

_Seductively._

"_Hinata, I want to enter your castle."_

_He tackled her and they clambered none to gentle to the floor._

_Of the garden._

_That they are suddenly in._

"_My mother," Hinata started with a shy smile, "I hope she is looking down on me…"_

"_Um. What?"_

"_Nothing, never mind."_

"_Right."_

_Naruto swooped down and kissed Hinata. Hinata, surprised by the sudden movement, slightly jumped bumping her knee gently into Naruto's abdomen._

_Naruto then proceeded to vomit in her mouth, gagging her._

_Hinata, almost sent into an epileptic shock due to lack of air, did not want to ruin her perfect moment with Naruto and swallowed the vomit, using it as practice for other things._

_Naruto then stripped her of her panties and shoved his wand into her magic hat._

_The continued sporadically moving as they lay upon each other._

_Bodies smooshed together._

_Suddenly Hinata reached her moment of truth._

"_Naruto! It's coming!"  
>"Push! Hinata, push!"<em>

"_I'm almost certain that is not necess—!"_

_Before she could finish, Hinata's milky golden cum leaked out of her pink palace._

* * *

><p>I'm sorry you had to endure that.<p>

Now for all you NaruHina lovers.

We have a little cliché treat for you entitled.

**Well Known NaruHina Moments by Codaram**

- In almost all NaruHina fics, when Naruto first realizes he likes her, he's just thinking about her, calls her pretty internally, and does a double take like "wait, WHAT did I just say?"

-Sakura and/or Kiba getting jealous. Fuck that. Neither of them has ever shown any interest in Naruto/Hinata, and people put in that jealous shit just to add middle-school level drama. And if Naruto or Hinata actually cheats on the other with one of those two, that just makes it worse. This isn't some stupid-ass soap-opera.

-Fucking Hyuga council. Never seen them before when all the important shit goes on, but when Hinata wants to date an idiot, they're all like "awwww hell no!" I've seen them threatening to slap the cursed seal on her, kick her out of the clan, or even fucking kidnap her all the time, and it's lame.

-That could actually be one on its own. Hinata isn't retarded, and she's not gonna get kidnapped by some loser. On the other end, if the person kidnapping is someone who actually could do it, like Kabuto or Tobi or someone like that (which I have seen), why the fuck did they do that? The can get into the village without anyone noticing, and they choose to kidnap Hinata of all people. Oh, are they gonna make Naruto hurt emotionally? *rolls eyes.

-Hiashi (and sometimes Hyuga council) pulls out some stupid shit with some old Hyuga law that gives them the right to ban Hinata from picking her own suitor. Hokage is essentially a dictator, and she won't let that shit fly.

-Also, going with your 'get married before it's too late' chapter, Hiashi gives that bullshit 'you will get married to a suitor in this much time, and there's nothing you can do about it' stuff. No, just no.

-They get into each other's pants/confess their love after like two chapters. Realism is thrown out the window by that point.

-Naruto teaching Hinata the Rasengan. That's his fucking signature technique, let's keep that to himself, shall we?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review! (If you go to the parody section and order it in order of most reviews and look past the ones in the thousands and you''ll find us! The Bitch Brigade! I should change my screen name to that...)**

**I just want to quickly address that if you do send me a cliche and I don't use it, it's not cause I hate you and you suck, but because I haven't seen it enough to write to best of my abilities on it and it wouldn't do you justice!**

**I honestly just copy and pasted that from a message she sent me after I asked her to compile it into one list which she did so wonderfully.**


	29. Merh

**A/N: Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>So since I haven't been on Fanfiction for a long ass time. I don't have a new cliché for you.<p>

So without further ado I'll some elaboration on a previously mentioned one.

So (sorry, about the lack of syntactic variety) let's talk about the ever cliché:

High school story!

So usually they all sorta sound the same! So if you want to be different read these summaries of stories with overused cliché plots.

* * *

><p><strong>The Troubled Child<strong>

_AU. Sakura suffers from abuse every day. Her dad hates her. Her mom hates her. Her dog hates her. Her life basically sucks. She wants to keep it a secret from everyone, cause I mean, who wants to admit their dog hates them. Oh yeah, and she's depressed and she moved here from fucking Suna High (cause that's the only other hidden village name people ever really reference in their stories; How do you think Mitsuke: Village Hidden in the Potatoes feels). She had to leave because…well I don't really know but we'll just pretend some crazy ass shit went down that I'll make vague but unimportant references to. Anyways she transfers to hmmm we'll call it Konoha High and meets Sasuke. He's basically an asshole and since in this story Sakura is an overemotional badass. She's gonna like I don't know curse him out or something. Basically he'll just be like "no girl, no one, has ever spoken to me like that" and he'll become fucking obsessed. But remember she's trying to keep her fucked up life a secret because…yeah. So yeah. Read this. SxS NxH TxN IxS TxS. Don't like, don't read._

* * *

><p><strong>Opposites Attract<strong>

_Sakura is the nerdiest little shit in the school. Sasuke is the coolest, most handsome, most amazing guy in the school _(**A/N:** insert projectile vomit here). _They have to work together on a project. Sakura is expecting a hard time. Sasuke is expecting an easy A. What neither of them were expecting was…love._

* * *

><p>Can I just stop here and say I kinda hate those "witty" sentences about love at the end of summaries like:<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Me at home<strong>

_Sakura hated Sasuke. Sasuke hated Sakura. But do they both hate…love?_

"Wai-What the-That makes no fucking sense! You're not fucking clever bitch."

* * *

><p>Anyways.<p>

**The Transformation**

_Hinata was always the shy, plain, average, unnoticeable, boring, quiet, nerdy looking, lonely wallflower that sat in the back of the room. By herself. In the corner. In the dark. However, after summer vacation she comes back as a beautiful, stunning, lovely, fucking Egyptian butterfly goddess or some shit. How, we don't know. Anyways, so yeah, she comes back all fucking hot and shit. Will she be able to win the love of a certain blonde or will she just fade back into her cold, dark corner?_

* * *

><p><strong>The Attempt To Have Multiple Relationships That Will, Most Likely, Ultimately Fail<strong>

_All the girls transfer to Konoha high and quickly become the most popular people in school. Suddenly their reputation as the most popular is jeopardize when the popular all boy band Sharingan (or Akatsuki, or Taka, or Suna, or Hokage depending on who the main character of this cliché story is) transfers to their school. Tsunade makes the girls become their escorts around the school. Will this new rivalry create a rift in the school? Or will the song of love become stuck in everyone's head (_** A/N:** insert projectile vomit here)? _SxS NxH TxN IxS TxS_

* * *

><p>I love summaries.<br>Sometimes they are just so hilariously terrible.

Personally, I prefer stories with good quotes from the story as their summaries.

**Aiko's Corner:**

Welcome to my corner where I will share with you a few things that I (personally) like and dislike in my stories. I'll share more over time. Feel free to ask me questions!

**Likes:**

Hinata or Shikamaru as the main character

Multi Chapter stories

Stories about psychos, sadists, "what if this team was made up of _ instead of _ ", realistic encounters with Akatsuki

**Dislikes**

Blinding fluff

When Itachi is one of the good guys

Crossovers with "real people" (Harry Potter)

Randomness ensuing

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review! And when you are done do yourself a favor and go watch BBC's _Sherlock._**

**__BenedictCumberbatch4Life**


	30. Some Wishes Don't Come True

**A/N: Enjoy**

* * *

><p>Alright class today we'll be discussing "Things that are never going to happen"<p>

Now I know what you're thinking.

This is fan "fiction," none of this stuff is ever going to happen.

And to that I say:

Really? It's been 29 fucking chapters you shits should know by now that I'm gonna fucking point out the commonly used ones we all know and love.

But I know none of you were thinking that.

But yes, these are not necessarily bad or even the main plot lines, just little idiosyncrasies and background info that make the story.

For example:

How it's always so simple to fucking just up and walk out of the village and on your way out, you miraculously happen to stumble upon the fucking Akatsuki in a scene that plays out a little like this:

* * *

><p><em>Sakura had finally had enough. She got up and walked straight out of her room, out of her living room out of her house, down the street, made a left, after .5 miles made a right and straight out of the village. As soon as she took a step out of it though, she looked to her left and saw Kisame and Itachi standing there.<em>

"_Jinkies! What are you two doing here!" She exclaimed._

"_We're here for the Kyuubi," Itachi said impassively. He thinks to himself 'You know…we've been in need of a medic for a while now…maybe I can make her hate her village and convince her to-'_

"_Oh. Need a medic?"_

"_Sure."_

* * *

><p>This happens all the time. Classic plot convenience.<p>

Another example would be:

How is it that in some stories everyone is so trusting? Like they're fucking ninja shouldn't they be I don't know…more precautious.

* * *

><p>"<em>Hinata come with me, I can make you stronger," Itachi said reaching out to her.<em>

_Hinata smiled._

"_You know, even though I've never talked to you before in my life and you randomly just came up to me and said that, which means you probably have some sort of ulterior motive, you killed your clan, left imparting words that would ruin your brother's life, defected form Konoha, joined a criminal organization devoted to taking over the world, and want to kill the person I've admired and been in love with for only my entire life…Something, probably my heart which is not in charge of my logical reasoning tells me I should trust you. So I'll go with you! S-Stutter."_

* * *

><p>Makes sense to me!<p>

Right?

Yeah, no not really.

Another common one we see is Sasuke deciding to give up on his revenge/ him willingly coming home after he gets it.

Ha.

Haha.

HAHAHAHAHA.

Seen Sasuke, lately?

He's some kind of crazy at this point.

And to end it off here is one that I personally think is just a little ridiculous:  
>Naruto deciding he doesn't want to be Hokage.<p>

What the actual fuck.

That just so happens to be the whole point of the show.

It's like having Ash in Pokémon decide he doesn't want to catch any pokemon.

Yugi in Yu-Gi-Oh deciding that dueling is kinda lame.

Luffy not wanting to be a pirate.

I just can't wrap my mind around those ones! If the story takes place in the Naruto World and they are all ninjas, then Naruto should want to be Hokage.

That may be just me though.

I'm kinda off my rocker.

* * *

><p>Aiko's Corner:<p>

Hey everyone and welcome to my corner! It's dark, damp, and every once in a while the lights flicker.

Get cozy.

So I am thinking of publishing a new Naruto story thingy about an OC named…hmm…let's go with Kimiko. Here's a summary-ish thing:

* * *

><p>Kimiko is not a ninja. She was a normal 24 year old woman who owned a small tea shack in a normal small town with normal, non-ninja townspeople. So how is it that she suddenly gets mixed in the affairs of teenage ninja from Konoha and the Aka…whatevers?<br>And no.

It's not because of any sort of "mysterious past."

She had a normal, loving family.

* * *

><p>Let me know what you thought of everything you have read today!<p>

...I use so many line breaks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Review! **


	31. Finale

**A/N: :**S

* * *

><p>Sup bitches.<p>

Yeah I know it's been a fucking while, but you know how that goes.

School and shit.

Honestly, I've contemplated just growing up and becoming a truck driver.

Seeing the open road…

Having heated debates on my dispatcher thingy radio thing…

Dropping out of high school.

Ya know. All that good stuff.

And in my time away I've realized something.

I'm kinda running out of clichés.

Ones I've seen and can elaborate on anyway.

Remember that story I mentioned last chapter?

Yeah, nahh.

However, I'm thinking of doing another parody story, cause I dig making people laugh and receiving equally hilarious reviews.

Some ideas:

Writing the cannon Naruto story as a parody

….

Yeah that's kinda all I got.

Please, please feel free to leave me some parody plot suggestions in the reviews for the story is indeed for you all.

But anyway! This has been a fun run my bitches and on whatever new story I post you shall still be my bitches, for the bitch brigade will never die.

Aiko signing out.

Fuck bitches.

"Clichés' fucking suck. Don't be one."

-Aiko Fucking Hanashi

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><p><strong> AN: Please review and help me figure out what to do :)**


	32. Crime Never Sleeps: The Story Continues

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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><p>Guys.<p>

I tried to stop.

Honestly, I did.

I thought I was through.

But…

These bitches are just to motherfucking crazy for me. Like honestly I can go through a whole page and not find anything I want to read.

It's summer so I've been riding the wave of the "summer burst," and honestly guys I've come across so much bullshit that I thought I was where manure was made. And I'm not talking about bullshit that is the obvious efforts of a beginner, no, that is called trying something new.

I'm talk about Grade-A, slowly cooked, and properly seasoned bullshit.

I can safely say that the cliche I've written about that I've seen the most of lately is fucking misspelling the name of every single fucking character or village. My biggest pet peeve.

Actually it's not a pet peeve, it's a fucking problem that would annoy anyone.

On an entirely different note…

Writers.

Writers, writers, writers.

Everyone your character meets cannot fall in love with her.

No likes a fucking love octagon.

Sakura can't have the entire Akatsuki fall in love with her because she "not afraid to fight back."

Not everyone can be captivated by Hinata's lilac eyes and quiet, gentle disposition.

And your mother fucking Mary Sue cannot have the innate abillity to do something special that she didn't know would affect the guys in such a way. It always goes something like this.

* * *

><p><strong>*Me At Home*<strong>

_Sasuke's hands shook slightly as he sat on the ground, a torrent of emotions running through him. The world of ninja was harsh, he knew, but this time was just so sad and furious and…hurt. Jane stared at the man she just randomly saw and haven't even said a word to or ever heard of or about in her life forlornly, not knowing what to do, so she did the only thing she knew to do _**(Me: here comes a mother fucking cliché cause that's what always follows that phrase)**. _Jane sat down beside Sasuke, if he noticed or not he gave no sign _**(Me: another widely used phrase)**. S_he gently placed her hand on his shoulder and began singing. Sasuke froze._

'_This is the lullaby that sweet, beloved mama used to sing to me when the thunderstorms came and made me have nightmares.'_

_When Sasuke stopped shaking and looked at her Jane gave him a warm smile that sent shivers through his body _**(Me: Of course)** _before finally saying the words that made him fall in love with stranger immediately, no questions asked or hesitations, or any sort of proper thought that is supposed to go into these things, quite frankly_.

'_Here, have a tomato.'_

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><p>What the actual fuck.<p>

Bitch, no.

Let's get to the root of this chapter.

What was the main problem with that story?

Nope.

Not that.

I know what you're thinking that's not it.

It's the fact that the author set the story in the ninja world of Naruto that we all know and then proceeded to reveal her female protagonist…

Was named Jane.

Fucking _Jane._

If I read another god damn story where the god damn OC, who's not even supposed to fucking be there in the first place, has this American ass name, I am goin to go crazy…er.

I wouldn't have even noticed the terrible plot, cause I wouldn't of gotten to it because, I would have fucking stopped after I realized that I was going to be reading about the adventures of fucking _Jane _ in a world where no one has an American name. She already stands out enough, so don't make it so painfully obvious.

Because really.

It's fucking painful.

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><p>Aiko's Corner<p>

Hey everyone and welcome to my corner! It's dark, damp, and every once in a while the lights flicker.

Get cozy.

So I guess we can call my little discontinuation more of a hiatus.

So what's up with me?

Sophomore year (of high school) has ended. Junior year is approaching.

Hanging out a lot.

Watching Korean dramas a lot.

Sleeping a lot.

How've you guys been?

In your reviews, after sharing your thoughts on the chapter…or not, update me on what I've missed in your lives, for you are my brigade and are important to me!

One more thing! There is a story called:

**Domineering What's Mine**

I loved it. Can you guys look at it (honestly to get a feel for what it's like just look at the summary) and tell me of any good fanfiction, manga, anime, or even fucking books that have this kind of dark, twisted romance? Thanks in advance! If you guys want me to recommend any Fanfiction to you just leave what kind you're looking for in your review and I'll let you know if I've read any like that. Trust me, I read all types so I won't find anything weird.

And always remember:

Fuck bitches.

(Do you guys remember when I started saying that? Good times…)

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><p><strong>AN: Review!**


	33. Lost Files

**A/N:** Enjoy, bitches.

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><p>Da dadadada da da da!<p>

When you sing that do it like they do in fucking Dora when she finds her Spanish speaking mountains and shit and the little cricket and his gang come out and do their thing.

Go back and do it.

Alright.

Since half of you didn't fucking do it, I'll move on.

I was browsing through my old phone memo pad and found a list of clichés that I never got around to.

Whoops.

So my glasses are on and you guys are about to get a….

Birthday Update!

My present to you shall be laughter and since your present to me are reviews because they make me laugh.

Also, feel free to send me One Piece merchandise.

Seriously.

Happy Birthday to me.

* * *

><p><strong>Self Inserts:<strong>

So, I've recently been reading some good ass SI stories, but apparently, to get to the good you must conquer the fucking depths of hell and stare the devil in his eyes. I am so painfully tired of this:

* * *

><p><em>Title: Life in Death<em>

Summary: _When Katherine died some boring ass way because usually these self inserts lived a "normal, uneventful" life or some shit, she was not expecting to be reborn into the Naruto world _(Me at home: Well, no fucking shit). _Born as Junko,the twin sister of motherfucking Chouji or some shit (because they'll always be someone's fucking twin when born into a clan [cause they're usually born into a fucking clan] in order to have them graduate at the same damn time) she ends up on, of all teams, team fucking 8 which, as a genin cell, probably had the least important role in the entire anime. Oh and no she didn't replace Hinata, they just kinda stuck her on there making it a just a really awkward 4 man genin cell things that, though it probably exists, we will all be very unfamiliar with and have to adapt to because we're not used to that shit. Will she manage to change the course of the future of Naruto world?_

_Oh._

_And did I mention that the fourth Hokage sealed half of the Kyuubi in her for some fucking reason that I will allude to but never reveal cause I can't actually think of a good explanation for that. Lolz._

* * *

><p>Me at Home:<p>

Well she damn well shouldn't.

* * *

><p>I've also noticed how they are always trying to become master of fuinjustsu. I'm not quite sure why.<p>

Probably to give them some sort of fucking connection to Jiraiya.

And of course there is no chapter without a mention of another facet of the biggest cliché in Naruto Fanfiction.

**The aCATsuki:**

The part that's in every aCATsuki story, good or bad:

The naming scene.

Holy fucking Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

We just can't go without them can we?

* * *

><p><em>Time to name my fugly ass cats my mom let me adopt to stay in my mansion with me and my crazy best friend and my quiet best friend while she's out of town for five months<em>

Kisame: _You're big and blue. I'll call you "Ocean Butterfly Dance On The Moon."_

Deidara: _I can only see one of your eyes. I'll call you "Dora"._

Itachi: _Wow you're a really chill and passive cat. "Red Hot Chili Pepper"_

Hidan: _Wow your fur is sliver. "Weird eyes"_

Kakuzu: _You have fur that resembles stiches. I'll name you "Scandinavia"_

Pein: _You seem like leader. I'll fucking name you "Leader" because one of them always has to have a name that's actually fucking appropriate to them in these stories._

Konan: _"Princess". It's always fucking princess or some shit._

Tobi: _How about "Moose"_

Zetsu: _"Plant Cat"…Bitch, what._

* * *

><p>aCATsuki stories. Shish.<p>

And for my final thought of the day.

I hate it when I follow stories that I fucking hate by the next update.

Then I'm just at home like

* * *

><p>Computer: "<em>Watashi no onii-san no namae ha Neji desu: The legend of pan's labrynth's underground dragon scroll: Konoha's raging desert blooming flower dancing wind Princess" has updated a new chapter.<em>

Me: Bitch noooooo. Stoooooppp. I don't like this shit anymore but I'm too lazy to unsubscribe. Ugh, damn it.

* * *

><p>Who the fuck uploads everyday anyway?<p>

Advice:

Space them out.

If you upload two chapters people will usually read them and then only review on the second one, whereas if you spaced them out, people could review on both. Get more feedback, unique to the way you wrote in each chapter.

Yes, I have my insightful moments too.

* * *

><p><strong>Aiko's Corner:<strong>

In case anyone has been wondering where I've been, I have been watching One Piece. I am secretly obsessed with it and so if you ever wanna talk One Piece, I'm your girl. My new favorite anime. It's beautiful.

Stay lovely and bitchy, my lovely bitch brigade.

And remember:

Fuck bitches.

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><p><strong>AN:** Review! They're great birthday presents. Also expect more updates :) Yay!


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